lunatic

클럽에서 또 미친 척 하고 놀다가 집에 들어왔다.
날도 좋은 일요일이었는데 열두시까지 골골대다가 겨우 일어나서 gym 갔다가 나오니 벌써 해가 저뭇저뭇.
오늘 구름이 참 신기했다.

다섯 시도 채 안됐는데 벌써 달이 떴다.
달이 참 예뻐서, 아니 분위기 있어서 그냥 밖에 걸으면서 누구랑 전화하고 싶었는데
전화번호부를 내려다보다가 그냥 슈퍼에서 장을 보고 집에 들어왔다.

여기서 가장 힘든 건 영어도, 돈이 없는 것도 아니고 그냥, 혼자서 모든 걸 다 해야하고 혼자라는 생각이 나를 잡아먹으려고 하는 것 같다.
사람의 온기가 그립다.

Onion Rice

I don't eat ramen, instant noodle, frozen meal.

And I've got bored of eating oatmeal and bread.

It's not homely home food, but nicely spicy :D

1. Fry chopped garlic with olive oil

2. Fry onions with garlic and put some soy sauce(or salt), plum squash(or just skip), RED PEPPER POWDER!

3. Drop a bit of sesame oil

4. Take bowl of rice

5. Put on fries and add fried egg(runny yorky!)

6. YUMMY!

I am alright and be better soon, no worries :D
유진이가 프랑스에서 해먹었다는 양파밥, 거기다가 매운 거 툭툭 해주니 우왕ㅋ굳ㅋ
빵보다 간단하니까 앞으로는 자주 해먹을 듯.
현미 사다가 현미로도 해먹어야겠다. 물론...돈이 생.....기면요....

가영이랑 통화하고 나 뿐만 아니라 내 옆에 있는 사람까지 내가 힘들게 하고 있다는 걸 또 깨달았다.
그리고 그건 음....윙, 칼리, 카린, 에리카...그리고 헤븐이었던 그 애까지도 짜증나고 우울하게 만들었지.

밥이라도 잘 챙겨먹자! 운동도: )
다이어터 다시 보니까 재밌네. 오늘 서류도 하나 쓰고 밥도 해먹고 좋다 좋아

Chinese supermarket

I love cooking, especially when I'm not in Korea. 
All people knows that I'm quite depressed in cold, whether I'm in Korea or somewhere else. And finally WINTER COMES.

I couldn't concentrate on my work nor sleep tight. I know I should be strong and positive but can't help.

My only way to feel better is DRINKING or COOKING.
Sadly my roommate doesn't like beer (I miss THAT3 so much and junction park) so only cooking can help me.

Today I was supposed to go out for bank account stuff, but I was quite lazy(actually so badly), and when I got off, it was already 5pm. 

Instead I bounded for Chinese supermarket next to Taipan restaurant.

There are other supermarkets in Manchester town, but this one is super massive big huge as Costco! :O

I love 떡볶이, but couldn't get proper 떡. Today, in the end I got it!

And I took thousands of photos in there, (sounds weird, but I was so happy to just see Korean stuffs)

I can have homely home food more now. But still can't get over missing home, mom's lovely food and chilling with family.

(+)

what I had today. 

2 T/s chilly paste, 1 t/s chilly powder 1 T/s Sugar, 1/2 T/s soy sauce, 1 t/s strawberry jam

rice cake, spring onion, fish ball, egg, instant noodle

boil and done! :)

ASFF

York was nice place to go day trip, actually I hadn't seen that much of York for watching short film instead.

York Station, Big but not busy as Manchester Piccadily

I went York for seeing my friends' work "New With Tags" and seeing short films around there. I met Matt and Jammy when I was in Hong Kong, and met Adam when I visited Bristol in last winter. 
I like commercial movies than short, art films but I quite enjoyed film in ASFF. Some of them are hard to get the meaning but scene effect and way to convey narrative is quite different to Korean way. Basically more direct, more brutal, more sexual (it doesn't contain negative meaning). Korean film is more moderate, neutral comparing to British one.

Scenery of  York

 My friend, Matt devoted himself to watching more films so this sandwich and scone was my breakfast and lunch. We said "let's having some food now" but he said "how about going drama...@#$#@" Gosh, but since he pushed us to cinema, I could watch lot of films in one day.

I was quite shocked for venues. To be honest, I like big film, big venue. But it's for going out and watching Hollywood stuffs. I wanna feel something different in Film Festival. However it's hard to get this in Korea, for example in BIFF (actually it was PIFF when I visited there), they used multiplex cinema to have film festival. I can go CGV in Seoul and all over Korea, so hard to feel authentic local community cinema. 

ASFF, in contrast, used local places like basement of bar, library, local office building(pictured one), or some cinematheque instead of fancy new big standardized multiplex. Venue 1311 with cozy comfi sofa and bin bag was best venue ever, and I could feel long, historical tradition in that places.

Sadly I can't get all the meaning of film and sometimes failed to focus on film, so draw something or do moleskine. One of my favorite film was about old performer playing clown doll. It made me think about life and faded seaside amusement park brought back memories of old time.

Sadly I came back in Manchester at same day, but it was worthy visit even I went out the day before York. (Back home at 4am and took 7.50 am) I was falling sleep shortly during screening.

It will be happy if I can make money by what I want to, but unless not, I need to do what I don't like. 

Yup, it's step to be mature boring adults, but I try to enjoy it.

あなた、いまどこにいるの？

1. It's already been 'wintery' autumn, (basically according to global warming every place has shorter autumn than before). And this season is always hard and tough on me, and it's gonna be same too. I felt depressed, blue, sad 24/7. Cloudy, windy, no sunshine, no warm air anymore. 

I'm quite happy, I met friend from US who I met in Hong Kong, and we had small reunion in Manchester, gossiping and giggling, chilling. But I realized it couldn't be same as before, and everything changes. Same thing cannot be happened again in one's life. And it will be same on my life in UK.

But, but, but, I am mentally exhausted, lost. 
あなた、いまどこにいるの？
where am I now? where should I go? what should I do?

I finally get understanding Watanabe.

2. Every people in UK has big Primark bag, realizing global economic crisis even affects ordinary days in this way. Congratulations, Mr. Obama! And deadly so badly hope you do better than before.

Thanks, this wouldn't happen again. 

And his victory speech is so emotional :-)

허둥지둥

오늘 아침에 일을 갔다가 윙이 부탁한 Simon의 후디를 xxs에서 m으로 바꿔오고 (xxs는 나도 작겠더라^^ 이 멍충아! Jack 이었으면 절대 안갔다) 김용우님 조공바칠 새우깡이랑 빼빼로를 사오고, 그리고 또 뭐했지. 그 짐을 짊어메고 샤첼을 들고 다녔더니 와 어깨가 끊어지는 느낌. 런던에 저거 들고 갔다간 김용우한테 욕 한 바가지로 할 것 같아서 그냥 백팩으로 복귀. 부디 내일 제발 춥지 않기를. 그리고 자꾸 바보같은 생각인데, 왜 자꾸 이런 생각이 드는건데? 하지만서도....그 넓은 곳에서 혹시나 하는 생각이 든다. 진짜 저번 런던 다녀와서 우연스럽게 만난 그런 게 지금까지 이렇게 내 발목을 잡을 줄이야. 하하하. 향수까지 챙겨가는 내가 바로 L O S E R 올시다. 근데 기차역에서 만나면 진짜 나 어떤 표정을 지을까. 이번주 모든 운세에서 나 운명의 상대 만난다고 했는데 그게 누굴까. 이틀 남았는데 왜 안나타나! 

낮에는 군고구마 먹는데 여기 고구마는 호박고구마다. 호-박! 호박고구마!

삶아먹었을 때 맛이 없어서 구웠는데, 역시 호박고구마는 구워야 제맛. 너무 맛있어서 저녁에도 또 구워먹었다. 여기 와서 음식 재료 본연의 맛이 느껴지는 것들, 예를 들어 오트밀이나 갈라 애플, 을 즐겨먹게 된다. 혼자 있으니까 뭔가 요리해먹기도 귀찮은데 그 자체로만 먹어도 맛있는 것들이 있어서 행복하다. 아침에 사과를 먹고 모카포트로 퐁퐁퐁   해서 아메리카노를 만들어 마시면 여기가 천국이 따로 없는거다. (그래서 내가 그 자세로 컴퓨터에 두 시간씩 앉아있는지도)

오늘은 공부를 좀 할까, 아니면 ITV를 쓸까 했는데 너무 피곤하고 귀찮고......아...질문지 보니까 갔다와서도 할 수 있을 것 같다. BBC에 쓴 것들 조금 바꿔서 내면 될 듯. 스웨덴에 가고 싶은 마음과 동시에 나는 지금 일을 해야한다는 그런 마음이 들면서 마음이 복잡....하네. 한국에서는 이렇지 않았는데 여기 오니까 모든 게 너무 느긋해지는 것 같다. 심심한 행복이랄 수도 있겠지만 바쁜 걸 겁내는 건 문제가 있는 것 같다.

우선 가면서 기본 초안 잡고, 해야겠다. 해야지. 하자! 아자!

uno de novembre

It's been already three months, (September, October and November). Weather is getting cold, I'm still lost in town and take ages to find direction. (I realized that I have no sense of direction). I restarted sending CV and studying from today.

Yep, I had had so many goals and ambition to achieve something. Now? I melted down in this city, this circumstance without any goal and just spent day by day for chilling. Today's Spanish class taught me or brought me some inspiration or motivation to move on. I was outgoing, confident, full of self-esteemed person before, and it's time to get my past back to present. 

I didn't get over 'that' very well, but I do believe it shall pass soon too. (HOW COME I STILL EXPECT SOME 'SERENDIPITY' THING AGAIN? what the heck on me?)